The Last Entry for My Literature Journal

I just watched Love, Rosie and now, I feel like writing again. Before I write this entry, I wrote a crappy piece that doesn’t even deserve to be written. It just another piece of me being all depressed and distressed. I believed that this journal for my literature class have gotten itself a name. That would be, “My Insecurities”. Miss, you probably want to keep this journal just in case I got famous one day, you probably want to sell this crappy journal.

I don’t know if you allow students to write ‘bad’ words on their journal. I hope you don’t mind. Oh.. I would like to know too where you keep all your students’ journals. I don’t think collecting people’s diaries is easy. It sounds, depressing to me. Sometimes I wonder how the teachers can read so many journals. I mean, it is full of stories but knowing too much about others’ life seems to hurt a bit unless if you always have someone to talk to about all these journals. 15 journals are just too much for a person, I guess.

So tonight, I have spent doing nothing  productive at all. This week seems so tiring and I know I need a break.

Monday : got Accounts test + graduation night (mock graduation night) + study for Psychology quiz

Tuesday : got Psychology quiz + the electric goes out but have to study for Macro test

Wednesday : got Macro test + finish term paper for literature + print poster for Psychology

Those are the list of things of I what I have to do everyday since Monday. It was just two days ago, but it seems like a week have passed already! That’s how much things I have done for the last two days. And tonight, all I want to do is drink my coffee, eat dinner with my bestfriend, watch a movie and write journal entries for Psychology and Literature class.

I was checking on my phone when suddenly my housemate told me to study. I told her I am just too tired and I would like to take a break.

She replied, ”Aren’t we all?”

That got me thinking. Aren’t we all tired and sleepy? Don’t we all wish to sleep all day long?
We are.

But I guess, that’s the difference between a successful student and a not so successful student. A successful student is the one who does it all no matter how tired they are. Not so successful student won’t do such thing.

But then, miss, what if I just want to have a break? Can I just not study for just one night. Just one night. I want to do something else than just studying.

Is it wrong?
Probably, it is.

For just one night, I want to forget it all for a while and write my feelings down on my journals.

For just one night, I want to watch a movie.

For just one night, I want to laugh for nothing.

For just one night, miss, I want this pressure to go away.

I have studied but nothing turns out to be good. 

I have been staying up late, waking up early. 
I have not gone home. 
I have not angry. 
I have been very positive all the way long. 
I have been so upset all I want to do was jump off the cliff but I also have smiled like everything is okay. 
I want to cry so badly but I turned to my friends and told them how much I love and appreciate them. 

But my results are still bad. 
But my heart still hurts like hell. 
But my brain is stuck like it have been suffocated.

They told me there is always hope. 
But miss, what if there is no hope for a person like me?

I have tried but I failed anyway.

And just for tonight, miss, only for tonight, I would like to take a break but no, my friend said I shouldn’t. 

I’m just tired. For awhile, I am tired. I’m tired of being strong.

Miss, probably I will never be good enough.

I know I will never be. 

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One Response to The Last Entry for My Literature Journal

Tiqa_Kids ^^ Juveniel said...

Yes,im tired to study too,
But we must to learn..oh my..
Semoga Allah permudahkan segalanya..


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