Between Blood, Tears, Weakness..

You never know what is in here..
But its ok..
After all, HE is the ONLY ONE who knows everything..
Including whats in here..

How I was dismayed by myself..

"This is a fight", I told myself..

Yes.. Of course..

And within a fight, there always bloods and tears to be shed off..
In a couple of days..I faced it both..
Blood and tears..

How come??
Well..I had been into a fight..
A fight that takes my strength away..

I had been a few years since the last time I saw my own blood running out from my skin..
I was scared a bit..
Can't believe it that the blood was so fresh under the sunlight..
It might not be hurting but when it comes to blood..
I just could smell it from where I stood..

And yes..I was fascinated that I had overcame my fear for a day..

Then..Allah arranged me to meet up the next day
With an unbearable memory or feelings that I would like to remind myself with..

It wasn't the blood..
It worst!

The other thing that had scared me a lot more than blood could ever done..
It was emotions..
It was feelings..
And yes..again..
It was unbearable..

Emotion is the only subject I always failed most of the time..
Even Biology seems to be much easier than Emotion..
When I had to face own emotion..I just became weaker and weaker..

And here I am..sitting myself on the floor..
Writing things that had rushed into me..
And here I am..gaining my strength back..
As after this, I will be there..
Fighting again..

May Allah helps me..
After all, HE is the ONLY ONE who has the ability help me get throughout this..

To you..
I'm sorry that I hadn't be a good friend..
I'm just too weak to stand beside this fight..
Go on..with some other friends..
I will catch you up later..
See you in Jannah, ukhti..

Ana ithar anti..

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2 Responses to Between Blood, Tears, Weakness..

ಠ_ಠ said...

it's okay mimi. ini jihad sampai mati, kan? kalau tak jihad, dah mati lah. selagi kita hidup, selagi tulah jihad akan berterusan, ujian akan bertebaran dan kesilapan pasti berulangan...

tapi rahmat Tuhan,
sentiasa diberi dgn belas kasihan..
takkan sesekali ditangguhkan pd yg beristighfar scra berterusan!

biar jatuh seribu kali,
jgn lupa seribu taubat mengiringi.. :)

Mimi Jazman said...

ಠ_ಠ ...

jazakillahu khairan,ukhti.. :)

noted that..
"biar jatuh seribu kali, jangan lupa seribu taubat mengiringi.."


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